now i've made my choice.

i gonna sign up for air rifle.

yeah sign up for it.

so if i were to get upset i'll just shoot myself with pellets.

if i just wanna sleep forever i'll just shoot and pray it penetrates me.

actually the jugular vein in the neck is the the sure penetrate area.

what kind of shit am i talking about.

oh wateva i don't need to ask myself this kind of shit anymore.

i fucking screwed everything up.

i thought last week was just a random weird stupid week.

but somehow the fucking thing which i don't really know exactly what it is spilled to this week.

i'm just getting worse by the second.

now everybody asked me why i've been in that kind of attitude.

i just couldn't joke anymore.

i bloody lost my humor and now they will think i'm actually just a bloody boring moron.

i'm such a joke.

i wonder why i'm here when all i can do is nothing!

i'm so losing it right now.

all along i thought i was strong enough to withstand all this.

but days came like bombs on me destroying the every emotional strength i got.

yeah i'm in need of emotional support.

seriously the above sentence is by me.

the useless guy who will just screw everything up.

and now i think i'm losing the person i NEEDED.

i feel like giving up everything that i had always loved.

just wanna do nothing.

just sit in the corner and fucking do nothing.

hope i'll just get older and older and then when i realised it i had my last breath.

people don't even care about me anyway.

what?

i get 3.9 for my GPA.

so fucking what.

he just acted as if its not a big deal.

its a bloody freaking big deal for me cos its a bloody first semester for me in poly.

and i FUCKING NEED THE MOTIVATION.

well i might be wrong cos maybe he thinks thats the best motivation he can get for me.

i'm useless remember?

i'm just a nobody.

an ass.

why am i still here?

i really hope everything will turn out ok sooner or later.

if not...

well. 

people who don't read my blog won't know about this.

cos a smile will always be plastered on my face.

its just me.

no matter what emotion i'm in, its always about smiling.

be it a sad smile, sincere smile or sly smile.